These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
