My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
