He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
