I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
