so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
