god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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