the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is Oprah even human
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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