The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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