My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
