are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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