I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
