This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I deserve this hangover.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
