If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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