You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
