I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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