I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
