if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize