i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
