Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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