I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Found your dick twin last night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
