Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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