I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
