You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
