Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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