Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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