Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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