I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
