I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Boobs are out for the taking
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
