the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
