Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
