Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your penis caused this!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
