i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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