If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
