i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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