I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
