so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
