You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
