a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
