Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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