I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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