I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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