I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize