Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
