She said her name was "party"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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