I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
