Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
