nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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