his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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