Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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