His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
