im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
