ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
