planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
