Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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