Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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