shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
