my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
