yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They took my balls.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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