Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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