our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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