ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are the jesus of drinking
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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