there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
