that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
