Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
