She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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