I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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