Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
