she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
